Recently I travelled to the North Coast of Kenya for a holiday, family things (my mum is from there so basically it is shags for me). But this time we went past the rural home in Kaloleni and instead drove on to Kikambala which is past Mtwapa town aka the sin city of Coast Province (or maybe the entire country for all we know) and I say this because it is not so often that you see an old white man struggling on a motorcycle with a dark Kenyan woman seated behind him; and she was a bit chubby, I don’t know, I thought they liked ‘em skinny or maybe that’s just me; or a slightly-past-middle-aged white woman seated at a local with the young men of the town watching a football game, well maybe she’s into “soccer”…. Either way, NO JUDGEMENT, just observation. I digress. So I decided I’d make a list of the struggles I faced while there (plus my boyfriend wants to see it) so here goes!

  Me, Cece and Beyu on the way to Coast

 pretty me :) in the car on the way

1.       We hired a sort of ‘house’ built by a Goan. It was a pretty cool place. But here’s the thing (and only nature is to blame here), talk about heat! - Well obviously being that it is coast. It would get so hot that I couldn’t say I was taking a cold shower. Because the piping got so hot it heated the water naturally. Talk about uncalled for! Lol. Can’t blame it on anything though, I mean it wasn’t a five star hotel…even three star for that matter. Meh.

 

clockwise from left: my cousin Henry, my big sister Ahenda, my big brother Muk, my cousin Edmund, my cousin Cece, my cousin Grace, me and my cousin Namlondwa on Christmas at the Goan house

me, Muk and way in the background my cousins Eva and Cece at the pool of the Goan house

Tattu, Henry, Edmund, Amalie my cousins and I at the Goan house on Christmas

Henry, Beyu and I at the pool

the amazng pool sign

Tattu, my aunty Desma, me and my aunty Zaka on the last day of the holiday

my cousin Nimrod and his son Jeremy at the Goan house. My nephew Daniel in the background

my nephew Daniel learning how to swim at the pool

my aunty Marjorie learning how to swim too lol

my uncle Daniel at the pool 

my wonderful amazing grandma Annie Chopetta at the Goan house on Christmas

2.       Perhaps a cold shower made no difference… completely true. Once I’d step outside the house I’d already be sweating from the heat (No, no. my sweat pores are absolutely not abnormal). Showering was totally nullified.

3.       Ummmm….. I learnt to stay away from the fans and air conditioners. I was with my cousins and siblings and it wasn’t long before one of my cousins and my small sister got a really bad cold. This was also duly fuelled by all the swimming we did but there had to be some way to just lower those rocketing body temperatures. Ironical isn’t it? One of the hottest places in the country and you get a cold. Oh, and my brother got one too. He’s been sick for like a week now.

4.       Slow, slower, slowest! The service at the coast could not be slower. We were at Nakumatt Nyali waiting for our shopping to be packed and the guy was taking too damn long. My mum had to tell us to help him. And he didn’t want to be helped! Hello! You are slow, accept the extra pair of hands you are so graciously offered.

5.       North coast, you need to brush your teeth. Every 5kms or so we drove, we were ambushed by a smell and definitely not a nice one. It was a stench so to speak. You can’t have so many areas smelling in one city, what the hell. I was torn between rolling up my window coz of the smell and leaving it down for fresh air… up won. Still love you North Coast.

6.       This one’s kind of embarrassing for me but I’m making a list and so I have to be thorough. I dared to go shopping! You know how mitumbas must be tried for fitting, it’s not Mr Price or Woolworths with designated sizes. It was such a fucking hustle. Picture the sweat and trying on clothes and putting mine back on and repeating it a couple of times. It was disgusting and torture for the clothes, and myself too. Luckily I bought most of them and washed them immediately coz obviously they’d been through the wear process more than once.

7.       I DARED to buy ice cream at Creamy Inn and eat it in the car. Basically it was like a glass of milkshake was poured on me. That ice cream was crying - literally. I barely had any of it because most of it melted. And the caramel dip I had put on top didn’t even freeze like it does in Nairobi, just saying.

8.       I discovered my bodies super powers of retention. Talk about swollen feet. I have this problem with my feet. They get super-hot and red when I walk stand or run for too long or sit too. Niliitambua in North Coast. This time they were super swollen from all the sitting. I had to spend my last two days of holiday in hospital. SUCKED BALLS.

9.       Traffic in North Coast, you were unbelievable. The worst part is there are no highways so it is long stretches of single lined cars. I wonder how the drivers of this city survive the traffic day after day – mazoea I guess.

10.   I promise I am not a girl’s girl, but, I had done a pedicure day before we travelled and let me just say, it was all for naught. The way my nails have dehydrated and broken all on their own, beyond repair, is quite a mystery to me. And let me not forget the chipping of my polish just a day into the visit. Nature, refund please?

11.   SAND! Walking barefoot became the better option because whether I wore open shoes or sandals, my feet were one with the sand. But duh! Shoes for what? Except when walking on actual tarmac of course.

 my big sister Ahenda at the Kikambala beach

 well I had never seen such a crab before

12.   I am happy to report that I escaped the heat rash.

13.   Potatoes. Of course my skin is peeling. And it makes it no better that I am light skinned.

14.   Tans are possible. If you are as light as I am, please use sunscreen. I thought I could survive the sun and didn’t bother too much with sunscreen. I’m a tad bit darker sorry to say.

Nevertheless, despite these few minor mishaps, North Coast you are still a beautiful place to be. And I still love you with your sandy beaches and exotic creatures (I saw many lizards, different colours and sizes, a mole, a bush rat so there! Nairobi you have nothing to offer minus your park). And the easy going nature of the people is to die for. And most of my family does happen to stay there. 

It was a good holiday. I totally miss it.

 from back to front: me, my cousin Tattu, my small sister Beyu and my cousin Cece on Christmas